If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
