i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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