something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
