One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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