I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
