we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
