In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
