and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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