I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
