Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
