How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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