I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
