I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
