you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
