We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
