Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
