I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
