she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
