matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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