Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
