Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
