I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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