He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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