didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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