I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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