Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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