I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
