Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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