The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
