I think i peed on brittanys purse
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
