I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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