Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
