just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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