I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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