I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He passed out mid-signature
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
