Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
