oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
