Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
