My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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