one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
