Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
