Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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