I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Boobs are out for the taking
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
