I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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