why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
