Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
