She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
