the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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