My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
