I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
