You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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