I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
